pengakuan

saya into yuna's music, faizal tahir's music. they  have brilliant music composition.
saya nak collaborate dgn yuna (tanpa ada ape2 ilmu music..boleh ke? ;p) - ikut tour usa dia foc best gak haha!
saya minat lakonan joseph gordon levitt..mmg versatile. kalau pelakon malaysia, saya letak nama beto kusyairi. saya sekarang minat lakonan mereka berdua. saya minat tahap berangan nak berlakon dgn mereka berdua. (juga tanpa ada ape2 ilmu lakonan) these 2 are amazing actors.

so there goes my declaration. :)

next sakit is sakit mata..

nama sakit mata tu 'pseudo membranous conjunctivitis' (mind the spelling...malas nak check ;p). somehow i survived the pain.. you name it.. anything to do with eye irritation, eye discomfort.. i got it all at one go - to the part which my iris was blurred due to the tear aka koyak. the eyes became very dry...i blinked so much. my best friend was the lubricant which of course apart from other steroid tear drops..it felt like you are so thirsty and you drink and drink but tak hilang haus pun...that is the similar case to my eyes...thirst of moisture.
i endured it for about 1 month and a half..
(june/july)

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every now and then now...i got somewhat similar symptom as previous conjunctivitis..but due to many visits to the opthalmologist..i was diagnosed with dry eyes syndrome. it is a great relieve that it is not the psudo membraneous thingy, so no steroid.. but dry eyes are harmful too for long term.

from once a fortnight, jadi once a week, jadi 3 hari sekali mata jadi bengkak, merah, feel sandy-like inside the eyes, itchy yg plg power and burning... tak gile mata?

the irony is that.. doctor suggested masuk plug pulak dalam mata.. i managed to run from tube in the ears...now a plug in my eyes?!?! kalau boleh taknak la kan...isnt it ironic...a little too ironic ;p (know the song? haha)

so i studied anything to do with dry eyes and i decided to consume vitamins... major ones are the famous billbery, the second is omega-3 and GLA the third would be lutein,. i feel like i am a master dalam perihal mata sekarang :) ask me bebeh haha!

baru 2-3 hari makan ubat.. surprise ada juga improvement :) aku decide sendiri dose yg aku ambil.. i know my body better.. so aku ambil only for a short term... bila dah better or normal...i will just consume once a day..

A Separation

i watched this movie last night and i can label it as a good movie. a well done plot and a good pace...caramel is good too but in a slower pace.
caramel is lebanese while a separation is iranian film. i saw this movie title before they even won academy award. lagi la nak tgkkan bila da menang...and guess what, i watched it without substitle!
 it was like when you were kid, you watched the cartoon without understanding the words...but the action speaks all. you can see the emotion in the face, the gestures.. so u know the general happenings but not the details of the dialog hihi.. as to double confirm the scenes, i googled the synopsis :)
kalau dapat yg ade subtitles, i surely watch again.

although they are muslims, i did not hear any masya allah or alhamdulillah in the movie...no muslim traits in the movie except tudung, and quran for sumpah. and i am quite amazed that although there are father daughter scenes or husband and wife scenes...there is no need of touching each other to show affectionate or love or hate...but you can feel it... except for quarrel part that may involve hands but still in that hectic moment, you dont see a clear touch really...pun cerita menarik. kalau cerita melayu, tak sah tak ade...sbb it is all cultural influences, so are they.

nama saintifiknya Otitis Media

one of the hellish ride of my life....i am penakut of needles..all my life, i manage to avoid needles by being healthy...strong antibody by nature i guess ;p because i think god knows how takut i am that god grant me a good body...the last needle would be BCG or rubella in school days...so i avoid major sickness that have needles involvement in it ;p

I admit I get ear illness at least once every year for past few years...

10 feb 2012 - 14 feb 2012

the same goes this time around...but i felt different with my left ear and went to see the doctor. as usual, the medicine would be the pills and antibiotic...i did not get nervous because i thought this is my typical yearly sick...but after 2 days; no different...

i still have the positive vibe that it would go away with time...but then i found myself so hard to listen to people that talk to me...i dont remember that i have this problem before...not to the stage of making effort to just to listen...and another day...i found out that they had trouble to listen to what i said because my voice was very low...this is new.

i started feeling a bit susah hati...but still managed it...so i went to another doctor to recheck and this time he saw some blood at my eardrum...this is a new news for me...the feeling fullness in my ear is very high now...i felt that my voice is very loud when other people hear it like whispers..

this is when i got my first needle...and i was lucky it was on my buttock...so i didn’t feel takut.. i just wanted the ear infection gone....like doctor said..it should subside 2 days later...

the next day I went to see a panel doctor and she saw the blood at the eardrum..i then asked to see the specialist

14feb2012 – 22feb2012

The first appointment with the specialist...i was diagnose with otitis media...normal person will have air behind the eardrum...but I had fluid behind my eardrum due to phlegm infection. The doctor said it could be worse if the fluid bernanah and pecahkan the eardrum...and he said something of a ‘procedure’.

a few days passed by..i still didn’t feel better...i felt block, heavy in both ears, left is worse....i heard my own heartbeat when I sleep, my breathing..i heard my own walking..its like the sound was plug in to my ears...

Entering 4-5 days after seeing the specialist...i could feel my neck tighten....i felt my neck cannot hold my head...so I had to lie down...it was worse when I had my meals-when I chew, it got worse.

During my medical leaves, there was this tv documentary on RTM channel. after 4 days from the appointment...adalah cerita perihal sakit telinga...what a coincident! I cannot concentrate watching it because I did not want to know what if the ear got worse, I did not like the idea of it reminding me that I may have this ‘potential result’. Although the patient is not diagnosed with otitis media, it seems that makcik’s eardrum dah kene infection...so dia rasa sakit...

During those 10 days...i did not feel any fast recovery...yet the first slight improvement of feeling fullness in my ears (left ear to be exact) decrease after a week...

22feb2012-2march2012

I had this uneasiness feeling because I kept thinking what if I had to do the ‘procedure’...what if the fluid jadi lg infectious...seeing the specialist for the second appointment was not a good news when he said the left ear is like 10%-20% improvement....i wanted to be 30-40% so that I felt some hope of recovery...but I could tell the doctor look was not satisfied with the slow recovery. He said do you want to proceed with medication or procedure?

What did he mean by procedure? I did not have the gut to ask...in fact he could see my fear that he quickly said...boleh baik....he recommended to continue with medication...i too want to continue with medication without doubt...it was a down time for me....it was devastating..i felt tired. To endure 2 weeks of this is quite too much for me...i expected myself to be ok after 2 weeks.

another 5 days after the 2^nd meeting, I felt slightly a reduced blockage in my left ear...i was very happy...at last another sense of getting better...but then 2 days later when I went to work after 2 weeks of mc, I got fever...i believe my body was not in a healthy state so I easily berjangkit demam from a friend.

That night, I felt the blockage increase.. I did not feel good about this...i was afraid it got worse. The next day I took another mc...my left ear reduce blockage quite tremendously but my right ear blocked fully...it was normal to feel the air pressure rotate from left to right. But this time around, the blockage was not rotating...i was afraid that the right side was getting worse...

2march2012-16mac2012

The next appointment on 2march2012, doctor confirmed on my fear...my left got better like 70% but my right still infection, to him no improvement...to me...it got worse because of the blockage...he said I may be right because I am the one who felt it. Again he said about the procedure...at last i did ask. He explained. I had occupied myself with what was the procedure. I just needed to hear it from the doctor. zi understood my feeling because of her son miserable’s ear infection. she understood. She relayed the experience.

After 20 days from the first appointment ...i was tired of the result. I felt double frustration...if only I did not catch the fever...was I going to be ok?

I asked for antibiotic that day. No need , said the doctor. I asked for ubat lebih power or ubat lain, he indicated that basically the ubat he provided dah ok...

The next appointment date would be after 2 weeks..

During the weekend...i thought of consulting 2^nd opinion of another ENT doctor. So I went to see another doctor for 2^nd opinion the next week. I wanted a speedy recovery...i could not just wait and see...although it was up to my body to fight this illness. Then I knew, that the medication was not for the fluid, but just to make sure I did not catch sinus..it helps open the Eustachian tube; open the blockage.

So the 2^nd doctor confirmed that, by then my left ear mcm dah baik...but my right ear is infected. He listened to my explanation and he gave me another antibiotic...and asked me to use the first nasal spray that my specialist gave.

So I followed...true...the blockage reduce after like 5 days...i still felt another half blockage there...but it was good enough for me. at least an improvement...but one thing bothered me...bila dah tak rasa block sgt on the left ear...start rasa itchy pulak...takut infection lain...but I just ignore it...thought want to ask the doctors...but I forgot since the itchiness kadang2 jek...so masa jumpa doctor...tak itchy la plak ;p

The first doctor said...normally he gave 6 weeks for otitis media to get heal...if matters worsen he would advise me for incision...it was nearing 4 weeks...i got 5 days to meet the doctor...by then, I felt the blockage reduced... From the start it felt like sebuah buku teks sekolah ;p now..rasa blockage seperti sehelai kertas A4.

16 march2012

The next appointment arrived. I had a good feeling that it was much better..but still I needed to hear it from the doc..i anticipate 80% recovery...i anticipate my left ear maintain baik since the 2^nd doctor said so...so hopefully tak jadi balik...

one week earlier...when I yawn..akan ada mcm speaker pecah dlm right ear and I would stop the yawning sbb terperanjat. I was worried the sound would aggravate the eardrum..so I tend to control the yawning so that bunyi speaker pecah or broken mike did not happen.

4 days before seeing the doctor...i started chewing gums...i read somewhere it could open up my Eustachian tube...2 days after.. when I woke up in the middle of the night...i heard the crackling sound...it was quite loud...i just cross my finger that it was a good sign, I heard the crackling is louder in my right ear...

as of the left ear...it happened before...but then it stop after the 2^nd doc said the left da baik...but that night dia bunyi balik...

if someone else were in my shoes...what do that person think?

2 days before jumpa doctor pulak...i rasa nak demam tak demam...that night I telan a panadol sbb taknak jadi mcm first time...the next day balik keje I felt the same heat...demam tak demam...i telan another panadol...i could not risk of aggravating the ears anymore...tak sanggup if jadi balik...can you imagine back to square one? This is my major concern although the blockage never heighten.

Alhamdulillah, the doctor said my left ear 100% ok, my right ear 99% ok...there is a line of fluid at the eardrum...i could see it, then I knew that our eardrum was transparent after doctor said he did not see the fluid anymore...he told me that eardrum was transparent regardless the 3 layers...selama ni igt dia tak nmpk fluid tu sbb blakang eardrum...rupanya....

He said that basically I will heal...i terlepas the procedure...but if I tak rasa baik2 gak...he asked me to see him again....now only the air pressure nak balance balik...sbb tu dgr the crakling...and he said that speaker pecah tu bagus...when you yawn...you help the air pressure...

All I need to ensure is I tak demam and selsema....

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I notice 3-4 weeks needed to heal for one ear...but a full recovery I presume would be another week until I have my balance back. somehow, i dont feel 100% ok...that 1% is still there...but i just ignore it and consider myself sihat. i just hope that when i travel by airplane in May, nothing will happen during takeoff and landing.

I google a lot about otitis media...the more I read it...the more scarier it looks...ada yg sampai naik brain...but I found it hard to find the preventive measures, what or what not to do during the illness, it was like the end result would be the incision of the tube in my eardrum...if I were a brave person, tak penakut...i did not mind pun buat the incision... this won’t be a big problem for someone who have not has this ‘phobia’

During the infection, I cut down all my night activity..i control what I eat..no Nescafe, no teh tarik...my aim is just to get my good ears back...really test my strength, my determination. I can really feel the slightest changes in the air pressure...when you sujud or you rukuk position...when you bend down to get something bende terjatuh....or when you are inside a car with all closed windows.

I am thankful enough I did not have the pain in the ears..i only have trouble sleeping sbb kepala rasa heavy...and all the inner noise. Everytime bangun pagi, the ear would felt heavier then slowly after an hour or so...it came back to normal blockage..but it just quite suffering to wake up every morning for some hope of tiny improvement...at some point you don’t want to berharap anymore although deep in your heart you want to feel the improvement everyday...

http://www.healthscout.com/ency/1/611/main.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/ear_infection/article.htm

soon to be jog buddy?

bila jogging, aku tend to berlari selang seli dgn jalan. bila turn berjalan...kedengaran org berjalan dr belakang..i walked aside so he could over take me.. tiba2 dia berkata 'laju jugak awak lari'

aku huh.. btul ke budak ni bercakap dgn aku...aku pun layan kan aje haha...i gave him a salute sbb berani tegur aku...bercakap dgn aku...obviously budak muda mmg lebih berani..

people use to think i'm chinese..so did he...''saya ingat cina tadi?" so aku tanya "so macam mana tau saya melayu?" dia kata "lepas cakap ni baru tau"

he likes to chat i think...natural...

'so awk suka menegur la ni.." kata aku bila dia kata, dia selalu tegur anty2 yg jogging kat area ni hihi...kira area sini mmg anty2 yg do walking...

soklan yg aku tak jwb ialah keje mana sbb aku rasa confidential sgt for first acquaintance. soklan kedua pun sama..tanya umur...wpun dia indicate kata aku must be kakak and dia must be adik...and he said he just finished study....dari dulu aku mmg x suka org tanya private soklan.

p/s so ika...amacam? ok tak akak ko hahah ;p hanya yg berani jek yg aku layan ;p dgn syarat bukan mat rempit or people who just want to test ihiks...

paksaan untuk manfaat

hari ni kwn aku 'paksa' aku baca buku...aku berjaya tolak 1 buku dari 3 buku yg mana buku yg aku tolak dia pun tak habes baca ekekeke ;p
aku rasa buku the last lecture agk menarik...tuesday with morris since dah jadi movie...aku baca sekali lalu jek kot....tidak perlu rasa bersalah utk tidak membaca...kerana dia pun tak start baca buku yg aku pinjam kan kat dia haha! (kawan, jgn mare ;p)

since semangat membaca aku agak seasonal...dan season membaca dah drop bnyk....so aku rasa lmbt skit nak habes....tp akan ku cuba habiskan untk manfaat :)

kawan punya ingat buku utk AKU, dia lupa terus hp dia bwk gi ofis. at least AKU lebih penting dari hpnya (a nice rapuan aku kan ;p)

cuti2 malaysia

tahun lepas ramai orang sekeliling aku pergi cameron. maka awal tahun ni...aku pulak nak gi...lebih tepat lagi..esok. yeay! dan on da way balik nnt, kami ke fraser hills.. tmpt yg aku tak ingin nak jejak dulu sbb tau takde ape...tp akhirnya nak jejak jugak dgn tau takde ape...hanya niat utk santai :)
trip kali ini dgn famili...semoga ada memori indah :D

p/s ppsstt....hanya berapa jam lagi tinggal? if you know what i mean ;p

what is it with 29?

let me live my few thousands seconds of my 29th life with pleasure :) and i'll live with more pleasure after that and god bless me! :D